Gone so long
by Akira-chan303
Summary: Do you know what it feels like to hate yourself? To hate your body, your character, the way you speak, just simply the way you are? I'm not talking about puberty and its insecurities. I talk about people bullying you, telling you how strange you are and you can't help, but ask yourself if they are right.
1. Friendship?

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi or any of it's characters. I only own the idea of this story-**

**Warning:**** This story is yaoi (malexmale) and will include lemons in later chapters, so if you're not comfortable with things like that I suggest you should leave.**

**This story will also include some darker themes like depression, angst and the thought of suicide!**

* * *

**Chapter one: Friendship?**

_Do you know what it feels like to hate yourself?_

_To hate your body, your character, the way you speak, just simply the way you are?_

_I'm not talking about puberty and its insecurities._

_I talk about people bullying you, telling you how strange you are and you can't help, but ask yourself if they are right._

_And it doesn't matter what your friends, your family say._

_It doesn't matter if people tell you that you are beautiful, nice and they like you._

_Because deep inside of you, there is still that part that tells you how strange you are._

_Because you remember the things said to you._

_And in the end, even if all that happened is in the past now._

_You can still hear their voices._

_And even if you became stronger, more confident._

_These insecurities will always be a part of you, wether a small or a big part._

_Somehow they will still be there._

* * *

When Masamune Takano opened his eyes on a sunny day in spring, he wasn't exactly in one of his best moods. Mostly, because hell week was near. The other two reason were that he had never been a morning person and that today a new employee would start working in the emerald department of Marukawa, the department he was the chef editor of.

It wasn't like he had anything against the new employee, for fucks sake he didn't even knew much about the person starting today at their department. Isaka had just walked in while they had worked and announced that there would be an employee that would start working with them.

That said employee had only edited normal books so far and didn't have any experience with editing mangas and that they should help him to grew accustomed to everything.

And all of this when they were close to hell week.

Just fucking great.

While Takano didn't mind to have a tight schedule and having to stay late at work, since he didn't have a lover or something anyway, he didn't like when things got unnecessary difficult.

For the lover thing: He had just discovered that he wasn't suited for relationships.

While he certainly had dated some women in the past, they all had started to annoy him or bore him at some point. He had never really been in love with one of them anyway.

So he focused on his career. It wasn't like being in a relationship while having to work so much wasn't easy either.

He got out of bed and and showered in record time, a thing you learn pretty quickly when you had any experience with things like hell week. While he dressed, he decided that he could buy himself some coffee at work anyway, but still made himself a sandwich and ate it on his way to the subway station. That was one of the things that were really important to him. Even when you're having a lot of work to do, you should still eat enough food, the healthier the better.

* * *

At work it was already getting annoying. Hatori was arguing with one of his mangakas while being at the phone, Kisa had fallen asleep on his desk, though Takano didn't mind, since he had allowed that they all could take a break for a few minutes while they waited for some new manuscripts to arrive.

He really didn't want to look over to what Mino was doing though, they guy looked creepy as fuck when he smiled while being exhausted. So Takano had just leaned back in his chair with one of the mangas he was editing on his face to shield his eyes from the sun, so he could close them and enjoy the darkness this action caused.

He thought he heard muffled voices at some point, but was too caught up into his thoughts to really care. There was a book that he wanted to buy that would be released today and maybe he wondered if he would have enough time to buy it. Even though he knew that many people thought that he was listless or constantly bored with his life, that certainly wasn't the point.

He liked his life, he just didn't think that it was necessary for everyone to know when he was happy or what he did in his private time.

There was a really annoying noise just now. Nah maybe he had just imagined it.

„..kano-san"

„Takano-san you awake?"

Oh, so Kisa had called him.

„BOSS!"

„Shut up! I heard you the first time!" he answered (and lied) while sitting up and tossing the manga that had been lying on his face away.

When he looked around he noticed someone standing next to him. He looked at the person.

Deep emerald, green eyes looked back at him with something akin to shock.

„So? Who's this? A parttimer?" he asked while scratching his head and yawning.

„I'm a fulltime employee. My name is Onodera Ritsu, pleased to meet you" the guy answered with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

„So you're completely new to editing mangas am I right"?

„Yes, I worked on literature."

„Literature, huh? Useless" Takano muttered while standing up from his seat and ignoring the I-wish-I-could-kill-you-look the shorter male gave him.

„Come with me newbie, Satou-san should be here with her replacement manuscript" he said while walking towards the elevator. It wasn't like he had anything against the guy. He had just caught him at a bad time.

While they stood in the elevator Takano looked at the the new employee secretly.

Pale skin, brown hair, that fell slightly into his emerald eyes and a little bit taller than the average japanese man, but still shorter than Takano himself. He was a little bit thin, but Takano already knew that the female employees of the other departments would go crazy about the cute newbie and how everyone would talk about the fact that their department gained another handsome member.

Even Takano as a man himself had to admit that the other one standing beside him was beautiful. Though he seemed like he was really uncomfortable. He started fidgeting the moment they stepped into the elevator and the smile he had given them while introducing himself had seemed kinda forced.

„_Not a people-person huh?"_ he thought and now turned towards the newbie.

„I'm going to warn you beforehand. Don't even try to do anything half-assed while working in our department or I will make you stay late and do your job properly."

„I-I wasn't going to do anything like that! I really want to do everything right. You shouldn't judge a person this fast!" Now the smaller one glared at him.

„_Ah, so he can defend himself. Good."_

„I'm not judging you, I'm warning you. I won't do anything like that, but I wanted to make clear that I don't tolerate half-assed work."

Onodera looked away with a nervous expression on his face when Takano continued to stare at him.

The elevator stopped and Takano stepped out of it with Onodera following him. „We will help your with your work and show you the basics, but right now were really busy so the important stuff will have to wait, just pay attention and remember everything important for now. Also, Kisa will probably want to make some welcome party for you ass soon as we have enough time again. Don't even try to deny him, he won't stop bothering you until you agree."

They walked into the lounge were Satou-san was already waiting.

* * *

Ritsu was so happy when he finally got home.

It wasn't like he hated his new job, but he would prefer to work in the literature department and his co-workers were so strange!

The guy named Mino-san, who sat across from him and smiled creepily the whole time.

Kisa-san, who sat next to Ritsu had been very friendly and Ritsu actually kind of liked him, but that guy was so loud and had asked a shitload of (embarrassing) questions.

There was this other guy who had arrived when Ritsu and Takano-san had gotten back from talking with Satou-san. His name was Hatori and he actually seemed like the most normal one!

And then..

Yes, and then there was Takano, his chef.

Goddamnit that guy was an asshole. Ritsu had to admit that the guy was good at his job and had been quite helpful, but he always made rude comments and called him newbie.

To sum it up they seemed like people Ritsu could work with greatly despite their strangeness (and the whole being-a-douchebag-thing regarding his chef).

„_As if you have the right to complain about other peoples strangeness!" _a little voice in his head muttered.

Ritsu went into his kitchen to grab himself some juice and put the bento he had bought on his way home at a store on his kitchen table.

Kisa-san even seemed like a person Ritsu could be friends with, though if he thought about it, it would be better if he kept his distance towards **all** of them.

Hadn't Takano-san mentioned a welcome party for him?

Oh no he didn't want to have one! They would only ask strange questions and want to know about him and Ritsu couldn't let that happen.

„_I can't let them get close to me or they will find out! I will just decline politely and then everything will be okay, nothing will happen. They won't find out. They won't get close to me. They won't be able to hurt me._

_I'am not going to get hurt again!"_

He shook his head to get this thoughts out of his head and quickly drained his glass of juice he had started to clutch strongly in his hand without noticing.

He then just tossed the bento he had bought into his fridge and took a shower.

While the water fell against his skin and relaxed his sore muscles, he closed his eyes and a small voice announced in his head: _„As if they could become your friends and hurt you. Who would want to be friends with you anyway?"_

He quickly got out of the shower and went to bed.

And even though he had just showered, he felt like he was covered in dirt.

In lies.

In the pure strangeness itself.

„That's disgusting!"

„**You're** disgusting!"

* * *

**A/N: And cut! Yes, another story and a sad one this time.**

**I took some of the things inside this chapter from the manga, but also let some things out (like Takano and Ritsu kissing when helping that one mangaka with the kiss scene).**

**There are also going to be some other changes that will be mentioned later.**

**Please review ^^ they make me so happy!**


	2. Insecurity

_„The power to cause pain is the only power that matters, the power to kill and destroy, because if you can't kill then you are always subject to those who can, and nothing and no one will ever save you."_

_-ORSON SCOTT CARD, Ender's Game_

Chapter two: Insecurity

Ritsu liked rain.

Ever since he was a little kid he had just simply loved the „smell of rain" when he went outside just after it had stopped raining. It was often silent in these moments and he liked how it felt like he was the only person in the world, standing outside their house and just feeling peaceful. He also liked sitting inside, with a good book and a cup of tea or coffee in his hands and hearing the raindrops hit the windows in a steady rhythm.

So when he woke up one morning and could see that it was raining heavily, shouldn't he have felt happy? Consent or calm? This wasn't the case though.

He felt unstable and nervous.

It would be his second day at Marukawa and while the job itself wasn't bad in any way he dreaded meeting his co-workers. Yesterday Kisa had happily announced that since he hadn't really been able to talk much with Ritsu since they had been busy, he would be able to do it today. Kisa seemed like a guy who liked to gossip and Ritsu just didn't like talking about himself.

He still had to get out of bed though, so he got up and walked over to his dresser. He chose some dark blue jeans and a green pullover he had gotten from his best friend An-chan, who had said that it „matched" his eyes. He liked it, it was warm and comfortable, but it was weird to get presents from the girl you just saw at a friend, but everyone else saw as your fiance. Especially when everyone else had said things like: „She knows you so well and isn't she nice? She will be a good wife for you!"

He already had declined the marriage with An-chan, but somehow that didn't stop his mother or her friends to make comments about their marriage, the children they would have and how Ritsu would take over the company of his family.

That's why he didn't like most people, they could be so selfish.

Thankfully he didn't have to take a shower since he had done it yesterday when coming home so he just brushed his hair and teeth and then went into his kitchen to make some coffee and eat something quickly.

He then grabbed his coat and went outside and into the hallway when out of the corner of his eyes he saw someone, it seemed to be his next door neighbor, leaving the apartment next to his. They had never really met before, but that wasn't even something Ritsu had ever thought about. When he had worked at his parent's company, he had always left at least two hours earlier than he did at his current job now and he never had felt the need to introduce himself to someone. In their apartment complex lived a lot of people and Ritsu thought that introducing himself to all of them would just be troublesome and hectic, but when they were meeting right now anyway, then there wasn't a reason not to be polite.

„Good morning."

He bowed towards his neighbor and then went to lock the door of his own apartment.

When there came no answer even after he had finished locking his door, he looked up slightly embarrassed and insecure. Had he offended his neighbor? He had just tried to be polite, he had lived here for at least six months already and they had never seen each other before, so wasn't it normal to at least say „Good morning" or something when they met?

When his gaze stopped at the person's face, though he did a double take.„Ta-Takano-san? What are you doing here? I mean how? When?!"

„_WHY?"_, he added in his thoughts. It was quite obvious what his chef was doing here, but of all the people that could live next to him it had to be his fucking boss?

Takano-san just seemed amused by the situation and leaned slightly against the wall now with a smirk.

„Ah I must say I am flattered that you like me this much, but to be already stalking me, don't you think that is a bit much? I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in men."

Now Ritsu just glared at him and began to move towards the elevator with his boss following him. „For your information I am NOT stalking you! I have lived here for quite some time already, thank you very much."

The other male just yawned when they stepped into the elevator.„Yeah, yeah I was just teasing you, don't get your panties in a knot."

Ritsu just continued to glare, but decided that not saying anything would be the best.

„Seems like you can show some emotion after all newbie, your face was priceless," Takano pressed on.

„_My name is Onodera for fucks sake!"_

The rest of the way to their workplace they didn't really talk much, which was mostly because of Ritsu. Takano still made some comments like how it was good that it had stopped raining and such, but Ritsu didn't really pay attention. While he probably just looked pissed on the outside it was different on the inside.

OK yeah, he was pissed on the inside too, but mostly he was focused on the voice in his head.

„_..I'm __not interested__ in men."_

„_..to be already __stalking__ me.."_

„_You are __disgusting__!"_

* * *

At their workplace everything was strangely clean and (to Ritsus utter horror) he had dragged some poor employee into the restroom and been told about the editors of the emerald department he had decided that he definitely needed a break.

„_My stomach hurts..."_

He searched for the pills against the stomach aches he sometimes got when he was too stressed and found them quickly. When he took them out of his bag his gaze lingered on another bottle of pills.

Maybe...he should take them, too?

He didn't feel so good and while he had just been fine until he had thought about those _memories_ again, he now just wanted to go home and be alone.

He didn't like how his boss managed to make him react like that. To be shouting and glaring and reacting to the comments he had made when normally Ritsu managed to keep people at a distance and be polite to them, but never gave them the chance to get close to him. There were only two people he trusted and even them he kept at a distance now. It was better this way, he didn't want things to repeat themselves.

He swallowed the pills for his stomach and ignored the other bottle of pills in his bag, along with the nagging voice in his head.

„_So weak, just like they said"._

* * *

„WE ARE DOOOOOONE~"

Kisa turned towards Ritsu with an exited gleam in his eyes.

„Oh right, Ricchan how about we celebrate now? We have enough time to go to a bar and have your welcome party, wanna go?"

Ritsu just smiled at him and tried to decline: „That's really nice, but I don't need something like that, really. I really appreciate the thought and all-"

„Bullshit," the still grinning editor next to him stood up from his seat and turned towards Hatori, Mino and Takano.

„You guys think it's a good idea too right?"

When he got a smile from Mino and nods from Hatori and Takano he turned towards Ritsu with a cheeky smile and then strode to the door with them.

„There's no use Ricchan you can't escape, now let's just go and have fun!"

They all stepped out of the building and right when Ritsu was deciding if he should just try to sneak away since Hatori, Kisa and Mino were a few steps ahead anyway, he remembered. Where was Takano?

Just when this thought had crossed his mind, a hand came out of nowhere and grabbed his arm to drag him into the direction his co-workers headed. His whole body froze when he felt the firm grip on his arm.

„_No, please stop. Don't hurt me."_

„Don't even think about ditching them or they will just try to drag you to a bar and celebrate over and over and over again"!

His boss smirked down at him and raised a brow while still holding on to his arm.

„What, did you really think you could get away, or do you have any secrets you don't want anyone to know?"

It didn't seem like Takano had noticed his little panic attack and if he did, he acted just like nothing had happened.

Ritsu just tore his arm out of his grip and tried to walk faster so his boss would fall behind a little. Sadly Takano had longer legs than him and could easily catch up.

He seemed to know what Ritsu was thinking, as the latter thought he heard him laugh a little under his breath.

As a result that only caused Ritsu to speed up more until he caught up with the others while Takano followed.

Ritsu didn't like being touched like that.

* * *

The „bar" Kisa had dragged them to was actually rather cozy and even though there were some loud, drunk people Ritsu liked other ones chose a booth a little bit further away from the drunks and everyone sat down, except for Kisa and Mino who decided to order them some drinks. When they got back they sat down a big glass of beer in front of everyone and sat down, too.

Ritsu sat next to Hatori, while Mino sat next to Kisa who was across from Ritsu and Takano sat alone at the end of the table.

Kisa took his beer enthusiastically and urged everyone to follow his example just to cry out "Kanpai!" and chug his beer down greedily.

Ritsu tried to get invisible, but when Kisa had finished drinking his beer he looked towards Ritsu with a grin, who noticed that the complete attention of the people at his table lay on him. While Takano sipped his beer with an almost bored expression, while he was watching Ritsu and even Hatori eyed him interested.

„So Ricchan tell us something about yourself."

Ritsu suddenly thought that maybe a little bit of alcohol wouldn't be such a bad idea as long as he didn't get drunk and said something stupid, so he took a few gulps of his beer even if just in doing so he could gain himself some time.

„Ahem, my name is Onodera Ritsu, I worked at Onodera publishing in the literature department in the past and my birthday is on the 27th of March?"

It sounded more like a question and Ritsu cursed inwardly. He couldn't handle such stuff, he would rather be at home right now reading or sleeping or whatever, but it made him nervous how they kept staring at him.

Hatori, however seemed to sense his discomfort and let a small, reassuring smile graze his lips. „How old are you then now if I may ask?"

„I'm 26 years ol-"

„Nah not just such boring stuff Ricchan! Tell us something exciting!

Like, why did you quit your job or...wait do you have a girlfriend?

If you have, is she pretty?

What type of a woman do you like? With big boobs or do you like smaller ones more?

Oh, oh wait!"

Kisa smirked now teasingly after Ritsu was blushing heavier with every word he said.

„Or do you maybe have a boyfriend? Is he hot, good in bed? And-"

„Kisa shut the fuck up you're going to give him a heart attack"!

„Aw, but Takano-san I was only teasing him, look he looks so cute while blushing! It wasn't like I was trying to be mean."

„I think Takano-san is right Kisa," Mino threw in, „You didn't even give him a chance to answer." With a smile he turned towards Ritsu (who felt kind of creeped out since it seemed to be **never** fading).

Kisa just pouted and turned back to look at Ritsu.„Well?"

Ritsu just stared down into his beer and strengthened his hold on the glass.

„No, I don't have a lover."

There was no need to tell them anything about his private live. The less they knew, the better.

„Do you mind gays then?"

This question kind of caught him off guard so he looked at Kisa questioningly.„W-What do mean?"

Kisa gestured towards himself and Hatori. „Hatori and I both are gay, we also both have boyfriends. Does that bother you?" There was a suspicious gleam in Kisas eyes now.

Ritsu swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, but forced himself to smile at Kisa and answered him: „No I don't mind."

Kisas face lit up and Ritsu was sure that he could see Hatori relax, too while Takano had just observed their conversation while still drinking his beer and not really being interested in it as it seemed and Minos smile just widened.

The rest of the time they were at the bar Ritsu wasn't asked anything at all. He mostly just listened to stories Kisa told him or to conversations between his co-workers.

He was glad that due to Kisa being loud and drawing most of the attention towards him nobody could see his hands shaking.

More than once his gaze wandered towards his bag, in which he knew the bottle of pills still was in.

* * *

_*Flashback*_

_(10 years earlier)_

_When the door fell closed behind him, the sound echoed through the whole house. _

_It was the only sound he could hear at the moment and that as good. It meant that his parents weren't at home and the few maids they had, probably hadn't noticed him coming home._

_The young boy took of his shoes wordlessly and made his way to the stairs across from him that led to the first floor. He hissed in pain when he took the first few steps, but clenched his teeth so nobody would hear him._

_When he entered his room he carelessly dumped his schoolbag onto the floor and took off his clothes. Then, he entered the bathroom and for the first time since he had entered his home he raised his head to look into the mirror._

_There was a little scratch on his cheek, but it was nothing that couldn't be explained easily by telling a good lie. It didn't look dangerous in any way. The rest of his body was another story though._

_Bruises decorated his upper body and even though most of them were only an angry red now, the boy knew that by tomorrow most of them would have changed to an ugly dark blue or almost black color. There were more scratches than bruises and most of them were only small ones but there was a really nasty looking, big one on the left side of his stomach._

_He must have hurt his head too when he fell to the ground, there was a bit of blood in his hair. A choked sob worked itself up in his throat, but he clenched his teeth as to not let it out. Deep emerald green eyes stared back at him while he just stood there. After a while he turned around and got into the shower._

_The water was ice-cold, but it quickly heated up as the boy watched how some of the water washed the blood and dirt from his hair and went down the drain. He took his shampoo and started soaping up his hair and body. It stung when he spread the soap on his skin, but he didn't stop, but just continued until he felt like he had scrubbed his skin raw._

_While he rinsed the suds out of his hair and off his body another sob worked its way up his throat. This time he didn't suppress it. It was alright to cry under the shower, nobody could see him here and he could pretend that his tears were just part of the water, coming from above. In the shower he finally let the tears fall while he sunk down to the floor._

* * *

_How long had he been under the shower?_

_Gladly it didn't seem like too long since there was still no trace of his parents. After he put on some clothes that could hide the bruises he went down and left a note for his mother saying that he didn't feel good and went to sleep. He also wrote that she should just let him sleep._

_He went up to his room again and laid down in his bed. While he lay there his gaze fell onto a book resting on the wasn't his, but he couldn't give it back to it's rightfully owner._

_He put on his headphones and closed his eyes._

* * *

_**A/N:**_**Woah writing that took a while, but I'm quite satisfied as to how it turned out.A little thing I wanted to explain, too. Ritsu isn't schizophrenic if some of you thought that. The „voice" in his head is more something like his inner voice and I wanted to write it like that and not like his normal thoughts, from his perspective. **

**Till the next chapter. **

**Reviews pretty please? *-***

**Thanks to all the people who already wrote some reviews or followed/ favorited this story, really thank you so much.**


	3. Nightmares

Disclaimer: I don't own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi or any of it's characters. The only thing I own is the idea of this story and my OC Will.

Warning: For warnings, please read the first chapter!

* * *

_There's not only one single type of depressed person._

_Everybody handles and hides it differently._

_Be it the guy who is always making jokes and cheery in class,_

_the girl who is always shy, but nice to everyone, _

_or the guy who is a loner._

_All of them could be depressed and you don't even know about it_

_There might even be signs, but in the end most people don't see them._

_Depressed people can be angry, sad and even happy apart from their depressions,_

_but they still have them. _

_The moment they are alone and are reminded of everything it all comes back._

* * *

Nightmares

Ritsu had been working at Marukawa for three weeks now. He had gotten quite used to his workplace and was now in charge of his first own mangaka, Muto-sensei. She was a nice woman and Ritsu had been given charge of her because she was pretty reliable and almost always made her deadlines.

He stayed up late at night and got up early in the mornings, he didn't want to be a disappointment after all. It also prevented him from remembering or thinking about certain things. Until now he had managed to calm down a little again and ignore the voice in his head that sometimes still came up when he wasn't busy and told him that he could only deny everything for a certain time.

The end of the weeks of denial only lasted until Isaka-san came in one morning, when the fourth week of Ritsu working in the emerald department had started and had announced that every single one of them should come meet him in meeting room number 104 in thirty minutes.

Ritsu paused his work and could see how Kisa did the same out of the corner of his eyes.

„That's strange, we normally don't meet up together in meeting rooms and especially not with Isaka," Kisa snickered „he's usually to lazy and just sends Asahina-san over to tell us everything."

„Could it be something serious?" Ritsu turned towards the black haired editor beside himself with a questioning gaze. He still was highly focused on keeping all of the other employees at a professional distance, but he often asked Kisa when he had questions or was unsure.

„Nah, I don't think so. He was far too happy for it to be something serious or bad.

Um Ricchan are you alright? You have been kind of pale the last few days and seem pretty tired. Did you get enough sleep?"

„Oh, yes uh thank you, but it's nothing. I'm just pretty sickly around this time of the year don't worry I'm fine." He smiled at Kisa to assure him that everything was alright.

It still made his jaw hurt, but he had gotten pretty good at faking a smile.

„_Lies!"_

* * *

„So does anybody of you know why you are here? Of course not so let me explain."

Isaka smiled and rested his head onto his palms as his hands were propped up on the desk in the meeting room.

Takano, Hatori, Mino, Kisa and Ritsu also sat at the table while Asahina was content enough with standing behind Isaka and made sure that he didn't screw up.

„Spit it out, we're busy and some new manuscripts should come in around an hour."

Takano didn't really seem to care about anything of this and wasn't in his best mood either, they were really close to hell week again after all. Isaka didn't seem to be affected by this after all he just smiled even brighter.

„Calm down Takano-san I will hurry I promise~.

So as some of you may know Marukawa already works together with a few Amercican or English company's that translate and publish some of our more popular mangas. However we managed to make a contract with an English, quite successful one named „Maze" just a few months ago.

The boss of this company though, asked if he could come over with a couple of his employees so we could discuss further business between our company's and decide which mangas should be translated and which not, what merchandise such as posters should also be available in England and so on.

He also wanted his employees to work with some of ours simply as an experiment and as you might already be able to guess, I agreed.

This means that in about a week, after hell week is over of course, a few employees from Maze will come over here and also work with you or simply attend meetings. We're also thinking of maybe keeping some of them here at Marukawa if they are willed to do so.

I hope that you know that this is a business matter and has to be treated as one," for the first time Isakas face got a little bit more serious, which quickly changed into his usual smile again

„So, what do you think?"

The editors just turned towards Takano and waited for his reaction.

„Even after hell week we will still be busy for a fact, we just got Onodera as a new employee so we don't need other ones. Do you really think that this will work out? Cause if it doesn't I'm not going to let myself be blamed if shit goes down, Isaka!"

„Yeah, yeah I thought of everything don't worry. None of you will get blamed for anything at all. As a matter of fact it will be my old man who will be responsible for everything as it was originally his idea," Isaka beamed.

Wow, he could be quite the asshole.

„Which reminds me," suddenly Isaka turned towards Ritsu who looked at him stunned, „My father heard from your parents that you're good at speaking English is that right?"

Ritsu gulped when suddenly everyone's attention in the room laid on him. Isaka hadn't heard anything about **that**, right?

He smiled politely again.

„Y-yes, I went to school in England for a few years and my mother taught me how to speak English since I was little, but why is that so important if I may ask?"

„Because you will be the one to translate if there are any problems. I think that everybody here can speak English to a certain degree, but we tend to have a strong accent and there could always go something wrong. I will also entrust you with taking care of the employees of Maze who will work in the Emerald department. You also only have one author to take care of at the moment, so it should work out. That would be it, work hard all of you~."

And like that, he was gone.

„Oi, you can't just decide to give a new employee more to do like that,"Takano looked at Asahina who had stayed behind even after Isaka had escaped.

„I'm deeply sorry, but it was decided quite sudden and there is no way that I can change Isaka-sama's mind that easily." Asahina turned towards Ritsu with an apologizing expression on his face.

„Do you think you will be able to do it Onodera-san? If not I can try to convince Isaka-sama to ask someone else."

Ritsu didn't want to do it. He had enough work already with him staying up this late and trying to get better at his work already, but... it would make a good impression, right? He didn't want to interact with even more people, but he also couldn't back out of it. As much As he was insecure, he was also quite proud when it came to his work.

„No, I will do it," his mouth answered before he could dwell on the answer any longer.

Fuck.

* * *

It was obvious that Onodera regretted his decision the moment he agreed to help, but now there wasn't anything that could be done about it anymore.

Takano had often seen the younger man stay at their workplace even after everyone else had left, sitting on his desk and reading mangas to become better.

He didn't know if it was admirable or foolish. The brunet was getting pretty good at what he was doing and if he wouldn't be so damn shy all the time he could be even better. He still made mistakes sometimes, but who didn't? However, he had gotten slightly paler, with dark bags under his eyes.

Some of the female workers from the Sapphire department for example had even asked him once if he couldn't give the newbie a little less work (they had been coming over once to look at „another handsome worker of the Emerald department") and not be so hard on him.

It wasn't like Onodera was miserable and in no condition to work, but it surely wasn't healthy either.

More than once, he had offered Onodera to take him to their apartment complex, when he sometimes drove to work with his car. Simply because it was pretty convenient and he wasn't that much of an asshole!

The younger man declined almost every time and told him that he either had to stay behind or didn't want to cross „personal boundaries" they had. Who even thought about stuff like that when he was offered something nice, even when the people involved were boss and employee?

Takano caught a glimpse of a guy coming into their department with the new manuscripts and told him to bring them to him. He wasn't happy with Isakas decisions, but he also wasn't going to be a bitch about it, so he could as well just start with work.

* * *

Flashback:

(around ten years earlier in England)

„Are you alright?"

„Y-yes why wouldn't I be?" Ritsu looked at his roommate Will and smiled faintly, „Just being a bit under the weather, thanks for asking though."

Will scowled at his answer.

„Don't lie to me Ritsu! You have lost weight again haven't you? Don't you dare think that I wouldn't notice just because of the sweatshirts you wear and if you try to fake a smile you have to try harder to convince me, I'm your friend!"

Will looked at him with a worried expression.

They had been roommates for around six months now and even though Ritsu had sworn to himself that he would never again let a person get close to him after all that happened, it was hard to keep Will at a distance.

He was a year older than Ritsu and was, despite Ritsu's worries in the beginning, a considerate guy. He had been the one to introduce himself first and also said a lot of things that implied that he didn't have as an easy life as some imagined his to be.

Ritsu had been pretty shocked when before they went to bed, Will had just stated: „Oh yeah, before I forget it, I'm gay."

Ritsu's first reaction had been shock, but he had quickly assured the other male that he didn't have anything against it.

„_"You of all people, huh?"_

Will also wasn't dumb. Just after a few days he had noticed that something was wrong with Ritsu, he wouldn't smile, always speak in a really quite voice and get nervous when he was stared at. Some people would think that he was just shy, but something in Ritsus behavior and the look in his eyes told Will that that wasn't all there was to it.

That was shortly before he knew about the nightmares.

He had woken up one night to see Ritsu sitting upright in his bed, knees drawn to his body, crying quietly.

He hadn't told him what he saw in his nightmares, only that they involved „certain things and people he didn't like to remember."

In the present now Will couldn't keep wondering how people could be so blind and not see that Ritsu wasn't in a good state. For fucks sake the Japanese boy probably didn't notice most of it himself!

Or he just didn't want to.

Pale skin, bags under his eyes which were slightly red and swollen. He was also far too thin.

„_Sometimes people force themselves not to see certain things, just so they could have an easier life."_

He didn't want to pressure Ritsu into telling him anthing. He had noticed that Ritsu tried to keep a distance between them, but he wouldn't have any of it. He was worried about him.

„Do you want to go out drinking tonight?"

This awarded him with a surprised expression on the younger boys face.

„I know that you don't like being around many people, but we could just sat down somewhere else than the other students going there. I don't want to pressure you into drinking or anything, but you look like you need a break."

He thought Ritsu would decline, but to his surprise he just nodded with his eyes downcast and continued reading his book, he liked to read.

He suddenly wasn't sure if it had been such a great idea to invite Ritsu. There could be rumors again about them and Will didn't like how Ritsu would flinch when some of the douchebags from the class next to them called out: „Oh look the gay boys," or something like that.

Will was pretty open about his sexuality and most people, including his family, were pretty cool about it, but there always had to be some assholes. They dragged Ritsu into it since he was his roommate and to insecure to defend himself.

If they went drinking there was the danger of Ritsu getting even sicker or more miserable, but maybe it would also give him the chance to sleep peacefully tonight.

They didn't talk about it, but both of them knew that Will had heard Ritsu scream again last night and crying because of his nightmare.

No matter how much Will wanted to console him in these moments, the moment the other one was aware that he was awake it would get even worse, so he always just laid there worrying about his friend.

„_Can't you see that I'm worried about you, Ritsu? I want to help you, but I can't do it if you don't tell me what's wrong. I'm scared that your condition will get worse. Please tell me, at least __something."_

* * *

_**A/N:**__** Took me a while to write that and I changed it about three times, but I hope it is okay now. There will be more flashbacks about Ritsus time in England in about every second or third chapter (There's a reason to that).**_

_**I checked for mistakes pretty hurriedly, because right now my neck is hurting like a bitch and sitting up straight hurts a little so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes.**_

_**I also just randomly chose Muto-sensei, she was the only one where I could remember the name ^^'**_


End file.
